Conversation Dynamics

Conversation is a thing we take for granted in everyday much like breathing. It wasn’t until recently that I seriously wondered about the different types of conversations I regularly have. Not the topics of conversation - which will obviously vary each time - butt the dynamics of a conversation i.e. the interplay between talker/talkee. Let me illustrate by means of an example.

Just a few days back I was chatting to a friend of mine who had recently come back from holiday. Naturally, our conversation revolved around the various things that he did on holiday. We must have talked on this topic for more than an hour. And when I say ‘we talked’, I really mean ‘he talked’. I mainly listened. My contribution to the conversation was minimal and I must have occupied less than 10 % of word-width. But here’s the thing, I too had recently got back from holiday. However, my narrative was pathetically concise and lacking compared to my fellow converser’s long and colourful descriptions.

Somewhat perplexed by this incident, I began to stew. I ruminated in the lavatory sifting through my memory of previous conversations. I analysed my findings in the shower and distilled from the barrage of memory a few interesting observations.

I surmised that I am actually a rather insipid converser. I venture cautiously into the ocean of conversation. I carefully gauge the person and a suitable topic while making sure that I don’t hog the dialogue. This tactic works some of the time. Most of the time one of two of outcomes occurs. The first is that I run out of things to say/ask and the dialogue flounders like a fish out of water before it splutters and dies. The second is that the conversation is seized by the fellow converser and the dialogue deteriorates into a monologue, as in my example above.

Sadly, my observations are not supported by some first principles theory as to why they occur. They are only empirical and even somewhat useless as a statistic since I have only sampled my own conversations. Perhaps in the near future I can expand my statistical population by surreptitiously encroaching on conversations and making more generalised observations of conversation dynamics.